Ev'ry heart beats true for the red and the blue

In Melbourne they have this sport which foreigners would know as Aussie Rules. Just like the poms with soccer and the kiwis with rugby, the locals have given it the very ambiguous nickname "Footy". So depending on where you are in the world, the meaning changes. For example, if you go up to an Afrikaner and call them "skat", then go up to a Greek and call them "skat" - one of them will be insulted, and the other one won't. I won't tell you which though, go try it out in Oakleigh and let me know how you go.

The big footy league in Australia is the AFL, and it is massive. At first glance, it's just a bunch of very fit blokes in ridiculously tight shorts with very pretty haircuts who are forever getting arrested for making bad calls when on the booze. Ahhh society's role models. But on closer inspection...well... nothing's changed really, but I did go and watch a live game a few months ago and it was fantastic. Hawthorn versus Collingwood, over 70,000 people at the MCG - the atmosphere was incredible.

The Hawthorn Hawks and The Collingwood Magpies are two very big teams who have been doing quite well lately - and that brings us to our comic - Melbourne Football Club (the Demons) - For the past couple of years, things have been rather bad both on and off the field for the club - a few Fridays ago, I was at my local pub and saw them playing on the TV, there were more free seats than a New Zealand Knights soccer match. And if there are any New Zealand Knights reading this, you'll know what I'm talking about.

So what better way to give them a boost than to have Baz (who constantly wears Collingwood colours) give them a little pep talk? Let's see if he pulls it off...