Emoooo!

We have many emos in Melbourne and I have half a mind to confiscate all of their hair straighteners. Out of curiosity more than anything, just to see what they look like normally. Their headquarters is the McDonalds on Swanston Street. Go and say hi!

Comics involving darkness are so much easier to draw.

A fly off the wall

I love Melbourne, but look, I'm not going to lie to you - I don't like flies. No really. I don't. The ones in South Africa and New Zealand were ok - they'd be like, "hey wassup, Malcolm" and I'd go, "bugger off, fly", and they'd say, "righto" and that'd be the end of that. But the ones here just keep coming back. Maybe they're just friendlier. Have you ever tried carrying an ice cream in each hand in the middle of a Melbourne summer with your mouth open? It's hilarious.

Love,

Malcolm

Bummer of a Hummer

Call me old fashioned, but I don't like Hummers. I don't like Hummers A LOT! I only started seeing them when I moved to Melbourne - and may I propose a question: What the hank do you need a Hummer in Melbourne for?! I was visiting my parents out in the 'burbs last Tuesday - and my mom, cousin and I took a trip down to one of the malls. In the car park, I saw a Hummer taking up two parking spots. Always a great popularity move to take up twice the allocated number of parks per vehicle to dump your ridiculously ridicularse wheels.

In this game called life, I try to adhere to the rule "know me before you judge me". I do not know any people who drive Hummers, but we can be 99% confident that people who drive Hummers are silly...amongst other things. Did you ever see Ghandi drive a Hummer? No you did not. Please prove me wrong world, show me a benevolent humanitarian who drives a Hummer, and I will show you... show you... I don't know. My stamp collection I suppose. Yeah.

Melbourne Cup

So I heard that last Tuesday's Melbourne Cup had pepper spray. I wonder who organised pepper spray? But more importantly, did they put it on Mastercard?

Alarm bells are rungung.

Ahhh yes Baz, as helpful as always.

Koalas, trees and chocolatey things,

One month without a comic - shocking I say! This comic is a lot less dialoggy (proper word that) than the others and is rather obscure. I'd go so far as to say that it is even riduculouser (made up word) than the comic below it.

I've been putting all my energy into my new job - but finally got to finish up this sweet little doozie on the weekend.

'Av it!

Vending Machine

The other night I decided to just pick a topic and write a skit about it. The result is today's comic. It's quite a good exercise for cartoonists, a bit like theatre sports - pick a topic, and then just brainstorm and see where it gets you. Try it!

If I were to use one word for this comic which starts with an R (and ends in an "andom"), I'd probably say it's random. The last panel appealed to me because, despite their situation, the conversation is still so light hearted. It is very silly, but I will not apologise for my acts of silliness against you. You have no choice but to read it, right until the end, in fact, you've already read it, haven't you?

Now go and make yourself a sandwich and we'll forget this all happened.

Donde esta la pollo?

If you ever find yourself in this situation with a waiter, please follow it up with a prompt "ho ho! Just kidding!"

Undercooked chicken is not a laughing matter. Well, it is, but...ah just don't go there.

Woaaaah Didja see the penguins?!

Phillip Island is one of Victoria's tourist attractions, some friends and I went on a day trip out there a few months ago with a tour group. We stopped at a few places on the way - a farm, a vineyard, an ocean observatory etc before reaching our destination. It was a really fantastic trip and I recommend you check it out.

In the days leading up to our excursion, I quickly discovered that Phillip Island is synonymous with penguins, and let me tell ya, if you plan to go with a tour group to Phillip Island to see penguins, you will.

Subsequently, whenever I tell people that I went to Phillip Island, the next question without fail would be "did you see the penguins?". That's like telling someone that you went to China and they ask you "did you see the Chinese?"

In fact, I dare you to go to Phillip Island, and not see any penguins - I will buy you a beer... and maybe a penguin.

Ev'ry heart beats true for the red and the blue

In Melbourne they have this sport which foreigners would know as Aussie Rules. Just like the poms with soccer and the kiwis with rugby, the locals have given it the very ambiguous nickname "Footy". So depending on where you are in the world, the meaning changes. For example, if you go up to an Afrikaner and call them "skat", then go up to a Greek and call them "skat" - one of them will be insulted, and the other one won't. I won't tell you which though, go try it out in Oakleigh and let me know how you go.

The big footy league in Australia is the AFL, and it is massive. At first glance, it's just a bunch of very fit blokes in ridiculously tight shorts with very pretty haircuts who are forever getting arrested for making bad calls when on the booze. Ahhh society's role models. But on closer inspection...well... nothing's changed really, but I did go and watch a live game a few months ago and it was fantastic. Hawthorn versus Collingwood, over 70,000 people at the MCG - the atmosphere was incredible.

The Hawthorn Hawks and The Collingwood Magpies are two very big teams who have been doing quite well lately - and that brings us to our comic - Melbourne Football Club (the Demons) - For the past couple of years, things have been rather bad both on and off the field for the club - a few Fridays ago, I was at my local pub and saw them playing on the TV, there were more free seats than a New Zealand Knights soccer match. And if there are any New Zealand Knights reading this, you'll know what I'm talking about.

So what better way to give them a boost than to have Baz (who constantly wears Collingwood colours) give them a little pep talk? Let's see if he pulls it off...

Is he an Aussie? Is he, Lizzie?

Over the past two weeks, I spent a few free moments sketching concepts for some cartoon characters. Last week I resigned from my current job as a result of an internal promotion. I'm taking two weeks off before I start in my new role in head office on September 8. On the first day of my break, I went on a very long overdue creative rampage. After writing a few scenarios, I was able to get crackin' on a comic strip! Scandalous!

Having lived for many, many years in NZ, I heard about how the Aussies stole this and the Aussies stole that - fair enough, but what's hilarious is that many of the Aussies A) Are blissfully unaware, and B) Couldn't care less. Not unlike Canada and Zimbabwe, New Zealand is often confused with it's bigger neighbour and that brings us to Melbourne Fuzz's debut starring Baz the koala with special guest appearance from Australia's very own Nuck the Kiwi (get it? Cos he's actually...ah nevermind.)